It's the question of the year. How did I do it?.... the short, the bitter, the sweet answer is.... I had weight loss surgery, the vertical gastric sleeve. Since having the surgery, and even before in all of my research, I discovered many misconceptions, stigmas, and assumptions to weight loss surgery, or WLS, with the most common being that it's easy. I sat down with friend, Kortney, to chat about how it's been everything but easy. For me, it's been a constant inner war -- every single day, every single minute -- with the realization that "binge eater" and "food addict" can be added to the long list of what makes me, me.
Also on that list of descriptions of me is "confident." Even at my heaviest, I didn't lack self-confidence. The decision to pursue WLS had nothing to do with my self-confidence or body image -- it was due to unexplained infertility, which you can hear me talk about in Episode One of The Hoppe Hour: How I Lost 100 LBS (below).
Weight Loss Surgery is one of the most challenging journeys I've ever embarked on and, while there have been some tough realizations about my relationship with food, it's also been one of the most mentally (and physically) rewarding. Having to face the shitty relationship I have learned to have with food has been like putting a mirror directly in my face. It's made me confront my habits, even the tiny ones I didn't realize were contributing to a serious problem, and made me decide whether I'd look in the mirror, see, listen, and change or decide to ignore the view and feed (no pun intended) the bad habits I've learned over the last 34 years.
I decided on the former. Did I lose over 100 pounds with weight loss surgery? Yep. But that's the least interesting observation I've made during this journey. Don't you want to talk about that instead?
Two Things I Learned About Myself Post-WLS
I am a binge eater. The quantity of food, absence of mindfulness, and variety matters.
I am a food addict. I don't stop thinking about a food until it's gone.
These are things I had considered about myself previously but I didn't seem to fit the bill of a binge eater or food addict. Truth is... I fit the bill 100 pounds ago just as much as I fit it now. The issue I had at my heaviest was muting my inner-monologue, forming noisier, distracting bad habits and excuses. When I could no longer (physically) feed my habits I realized my little inner-Angela had been telling me what I knew all along; it just took surgery to make it possible for me to hear.
For me, having WLS has been so much more than just dropping the weight. I don't center my weight loss journey around a number, though it has been a nice perk, because my reason was never about being skinny. Instead, I focus on all the other things it's given me -- a fresh outlook, encouragement to listen to my inner-monologue, and permission to make mistakes.
If you'd like to hear more about the things I am learning about myself after WLS, ways I manage my binge eating and food addiction after WLS, or any other eating disorder topics, please leave a comment on this LIVE video: The Hoppe Hour: How I Lost 100 Pounds.
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